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Joke of the Day

"I refer to ""porno"" movies as ""regular"" movies not ""adult"" movies. And I refer to non-porno movies as ""Christian kids"" films."

"I auditioned for a TV show for people with broken bones. I didn't make the cast."

"Why should you never buy ukrainian underwear? Chernobyl fallout."

"Judge: Sir, need I remind you that you are under oath? Goldfish defendant: Yes."

"My son decided to help me clean the car today. After ten minutes of watching him, I told him to use some elbow grease. Two hours later, the idiot came back and told me that he couldn't find it."

"Yes, in fact I DO know what it's like to bleed like crazy once a month. That's my flossing schedule."

"All of the fortune tellers I've met are either really depressing or overly enhusiastic. Why can't I find a happy medium?"

"i was just singing radiohead's 'creep' into my cat's ear and he started meowing it along with me then we both took a shit in his litter box."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles ^I ^am ^so ^sorry"

"How can you tell if someone is from New York? They always talk about how they're from New York."