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Joke of the Day

"When someone says ""We can still be friends"" after a break up it's like saying...""The dog died but can we still keep it?"""

"Two blondes walk into a bar The first one says ""Don't worry, I didn't see it either""."

"im 40 and my girlfriend is 12 months pregnant, am i too old to be a father? :/"

"Remember, if you smoke after sex... ...You're doing it too fast!"

"What did the blanket say as it fell of the bed? Sheet"

"Apparently, In Sweden parents aren't allowed to spank their kids. Like that would bother me, I don't do foreplay."

"shipwreck diary day 425: saw a ship and crew waved but didn't want to look dumb and wave back if they were waving to someone behind me"

"Trying to make a collage for my preschooler's art project using magazine cut-outs, but I keep ending up with ransom notes."

"What do you call it when Al Capone goes camping? Criminal intent."

"My daughter: I know everything Me: What's the capital of brazil? My daughter: that's a secret"