128220

Joke of the Day

"I measure my kids' ages in terms of percent complete out of eighteen years. My kids are 22% and 38%."

"What black & White and cool as f**k? A fridge with a leather jacket on."

"Trump is single-handedly bringing down America. Actually, I take it back. With hands that small, he'd have to use them both."

"What did one ISIS member say to another? ""IED mubarak.."""

"When your SO asks Daddy for ketchup at the family BBQ. And you BOTH grab it at the same time."

"I swear to god if I ever see a car exploding I'm going to walk away from it in slow-mo and hope that somebody is filming it on their iPhone."

"TIFU by quitting my job as a train driver and downing a bottle of ketchup. I went off the rails and straight on the sauce."

"I heard my ex girlfriend needs a new kidney I'm not worried, her body hasn't rejected an organ in 25 years. -Tom Cotter"

"Round Sheep A farmer asked me ""Can you help me round up my sheep?"" I said ""How many have you got?"" He said ""78"" I said ""we will call that 80!"""

"You know what's great about senility? You can hide your own Easter eggs."