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Joke of the Day

"I swear to god if I ever see a car exploding I'm going to walk away from it in slow-mo and hope that somebody is filming it on their iPhone."

"If I was moments away from my death I would ask someone for a 5-hour Energy drink."

"TIL... Tomorrow I learned that Steve Buscemi was a volunteer firefighter on Sep...."

"How do you pass the Isis entrance exam? I don't know about you, I bombed it."

"Maybe money can't buy Happy but it can probably buy Dopey at a good price."

"*Takes ex girlfriend's poem on Antiques Road Show* Sir these are worthless *Winks at camera* Told you Karen!"

"How do you get 100 babies into a bowl? A blender. How do you get them out? Tortilla chips"

"What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub? The nun has hope in her soul."

"male friend ""i hate tea""... me ""of course you like tea!"" friend ""...?"" me ""tit-teas..."""

"Did I tell you my aunt died in this bed? #whatnottosayduringsex"