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Joke of the Day
"What black & White and cool as f**k? A fridge with a leather jacket on."
Next Joke
"Why shouldn't you write with a dull pencil? It's pointless"
"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile"
"Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I'm married and not allowed to make decisions."
"I think my wife's sewing machine is on the blink. I'm not sure what's wrong, it just doesn't seam right."
"So you are distantly related to the family next door are you? Yes- their dog is our dog's brother."
"Today I saw a midget prisoner climbing down the prison wall... He turned and sneered at me, I thought: 'that's a little condescending'."
"Me: I invited Todd over for dinner. Wife: Uncle Todd or Todd who takes things literally? *Todd exits out the back door with our television*"
"Thor. He follows the same naming conventions as macho men with their dogs. Thor means thunder. But also the literal translation of Mjolnir is ""crusher""."
"""Sensitive"" guys who only retweet chicks, you're not fooling anyone."