137019

Joke of the Day

"When your SO asks Daddy for ketchup at the family BBQ. And you BOTH grab it at the same time."

"My dog said ""woof"" so I said ""woof"" & now I'm afraid of what I may have agreed to."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Chrysalis ! Chrysalis who ? Chrysalis the cake for you !"

"LET'S GET ALL FUCKED UP ON HALLUCINOGENS AND REARRANGE OUR NETFLIX QUEUES!!!"

"If I get one upvote I'll get drunk by myself tonight. Edit: Well okay, thanks Reddit, I upvoted it myself."

"[gf comes home after spray tanning] Hey, orange you looking good! ""Thanks"" Anytime, pumpkin! ""You're sweet"" You're one in vermillion!"

"Q: Why did the boy throw his clock out the window? A: He wanted to see time fly."

"How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it."

"Eric Garner tried stand up comedy... But he choked on stage."

"I was going to make a joke... But I fainted"