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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by quitting my job as a train driver and downing a bottle of ketchup. I went off the rails and straight on the sauce."

"I'll be shaking hands with business people in front of a globe today if any stock photographers want to make some easy cash."

"The gingham is holding a grudge because burlap and seersucker didn't invite corduroy to their party. Social fabric is complex."

"I got shoes from a drug dealer once... I don't know what it was laced with but I was tripping all day!!"

"Did you hear about the drunken idiot who flew into a black hole? I don't think he understood the gravity of his situation."

"Are you guys all right? No, you're all left. (Stolen from a master comedian from x factor)"

"What is the temperature of the average coffin? 6 Below"

"What are filipinos horror stories? Crispy Pata"

"You know you're on Twitter too much when you start learning the news from the jokes."

"Is athlete's foot [gulp] fatal, doc? ""Not with the proper treatment."" *gives foot $56M 7-year contract*"