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Joke of the Day

"I knew this neighborhood was classy enough for me when I saw there is a ""Pregnant Only"" parking spot in front of the Liquor store."

"What's easier to pick up the heavier it gets? A woman EDIT: Grammar"

"*on deathbed* ""Son u were *cough* ado-"" ""Dad? I was adopted?!"" ""A dot of misery on my otherwise happy life. I don't know why we adopted u."""

"Is is best to do your homework on an empty stomach or a full stomach? It's best to do it on paper."

"Just once, I want someone to look at me and say, ""That's her. She's the one"" And not follow it with ""who ate cake out of the garbage"""

"It's better to have hope in your soul.."

"No relationship is perfect so you might as well pick the perfect person you want to go through hell with"

"When a soldier goes sentimental, his favorite band will be Guns'N'Roses."

"Why is it hard to hold a speech at a nudist convention? It does not help to imagine people in their underwear."

"How does a Jew calculate his escape path? Wind velocity times chimney height."