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Joke of the Day
"What shoes did the pedophile wear? White vans hah"
Next Joke
"Why did Michael Sam, the first openly gay NFL player, say he doesn't shop at Sports Authority? Because he prefers Dick's."
"Congratulations on your gold medal in the conclusion jump."
"""honey don't you think you're treating one of our kids unfairly?"" ""who? Tim, Felix or the fat one?"""
"My wife was fixing the caulk around our tub... Me: You should use some caulk softener to make that easier. Wife: Is that like a picture of your mom or something? (actual conversation)"
"that stage of not showering where you develop a sort of detached, clinical interest in how bad you smell & seeing how much worse it can get"
"if someone else is in the picture with you why do some people still call it a ""selfie""?....that's a ""groupie"""
"Wife: Go out for breakfast? Me: Sure! Wife: Ok, let me shower first. *showers, dresses & puts on makeup* Me: Where should we have lunch?"
"what's brown and rhymes with snoop? dr. dre"
"Date: Cat-callers disgust me. Me: [hastily returning phone to pocket] Oh haha yeah me too. My cat: *at home by the phone worried sick*"