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Joke of the Day

"Date: Cat-callers disgust me. Me: [hastily returning phone to pocket] Oh haha yeah me too. My cat: *at home by the phone worried sick*"

Next Joke
 
"My dad posted a picture of his ""Condom challenge fail"" It was a picture of me"
"*takes cat from pocket of doctor's coat & holds it over patient* He has finished his scan. He says he doesn't like you & you have cancer."
"Man down! Send in back up! *wife comes rushing in the room* ""What happened?!"" *i dip another chip in the salsa to rescue the broken chip*"
"Imagine me naked. Wrong. Fatter."
"I'm trying to figure out which iPhone to buy. The black one runs faster, but the white one actually works."
"[paying at chipotle] ME: i got a burrito CLERK: that'll be ten dollars ME: with guac CLERK: that'll be ten thousand dollars"
"Difference between priest and acne? What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until puberty to come on a kid's face."
"My credit card was stolen today I don't think I'm gonna do anything about it. So far he's spending way less than my wife does."
"Were PacMan and Ms.PacMan married or brother and sister? Have some fanfic that's either really awesome or really disturbing riding on this."