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Joke of the Day

"Date: Cat-callers disgust me. Me: [hastily returning phone to pocket] Oh haha yeah me too. My cat: *at home by the phone worried sick*"

Next Joke
 
"Cuddled up to my girlfriend last night, she said, ""Aw you finally chose me over Facebook!"" I just didn't have the heart to tell her my battery just died."
"Why did the 16 year old Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to go home and do an essay."
"Putin's message to tourists: Visit Istanbul While he still exists..."
"You know what Trump and the Note 7 have in common? You know it will blow up, just not when."
"What is the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead babies? My erection."
"Lately I've been getting in touch with my inner self. I really need to switch to a better brand of toilet paper."
"I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be."
"My chair at work is really uncomfortable. I wonder if a stool softener will work."
"Why did the vegetable band break up? They couldn't keep a beet."