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Joke of the Day

"""honey don't you think you're treating one of our kids unfairly?"" ""who? Tim, Felix or the fat one?"""

"How did Helen Keller get punished? Her mom rearranged the living room"

"What did the pirate say when he turned 80 Aye Matey!"

"Venison... is dear."

"Renee Zellweger is living proof that if you keep making that face it's going to be stuck that way forever"

"What do you call a torturer who says a lot of puns. A PUNisher"

"I made a joke up!!! Two midgets walk into a bar. edit: sorry I didn't set the bar very high for this joke. edit2: don't' worry- they're ok."

"I think comic book bad guys have the right idea, aiming their weapons directly at Captain America's shield. That's probably his weak point."

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon? Well the first noticeable difference is that the watermelon tastes better."

"When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?"