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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Go out for breakfast? Me: Sure! Wife: Ok, let me shower first. *showers, dresses & puts on makeup* Me: Where should we have lunch?"

"What's the difference between a VA Nurse and a bullet? A bullet only kills once."

"I've just ordered a procrastinating blowup doll with real orgasm effect It's coming tomorrow"

"I like to steal pictures of people's breakfast and post them again I guess you could say I'm a cereal reposter"

"How long does it take to cook a baby in the microwave? No clue. Too busy masturbating."

"So I neutered my car yesterday ""You, what?"" Neutered my car ""..."" It's another word for fixed ""I wish I never gave you that thesaurus"""

"What's the only thing in the world that's bigger than a Samoan man? His wife."

"Damn boy, are you the black jelly bean? Because I absentmindedly picked you, and now I regret having you in my mouth."

"Somebody spotted a coyote in my neighborhood a few days ago. But it's cool, cause I just started carrying an anvil around everywhere I go."

"What is a polygon? A dead parrot."