127922

Joke of the Day

"I'm pretty sure I'm a hypochondriac."

"Oh, you want to fight? Ok, one second *takes off glasses, removes retainer, unpins towel cape, empties snacks from pockets, sets down kitten"

"MARRIAGE TIP: When your wife forgets to set the timer and incinerates dinner, DO NOT whistle ""If I Only Had a Brain"" from the Wizard of Oz."

"What's little,metal, and will ruin dinner A bullet in your face"

"The best part of the Titanic is when Rose is holding onto Jack and she's all like, 'I'll never let go' and then she lets go."

"What is Peyton Manning's favorite Counting Crows song? Omaha"

"What's white and smells like black paint? White paint"

"If you don't have a condom, put a stone in your shoe.. ...it'll make you limp."

"Some people have trouble sleeping... ...but I can do it with my eyes closed..."

"What do you call a fire pokemon mixed with Donald Trump ? A Charitard."