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Joke of the Day

"My daughter just asked me how to spell bourbon so she's either asking Santa to hook up her old man or writing a letter to child services."

"google logo keeps changing its appearance because it killed a man in Tampa in 1999 and has to stay ahead of the law"

"Why do you never see any Stormtroopers as photographers? They always miss the shot"

"MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it's like they had those babies for nothing."

"Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs? A: She fell out of the tree."

"I just hope I love my child enough to stab a referee that made a bad call against him in a little league game."

"I grew up thinking my Dad had tourettes.... turns out he just genuinely thought I was a fucking cunt."

"A joke my kid told me today. Him: dad guess who is the smallest family in the world? Me: I don't know, who? Him: the atoms family. Not bad for 7 years old."

"If I had a dollar for everytime I heard someone sing a Macklemore song out loud... ...I would have 20 dollars in my pocket"

"The inventor of Chapstick died today. Unfortunately his body was lost while being transferred to the morgue."