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Joke of the Day

"A joke my kid told me today. Him: dad guess who is the smallest family in the world? Me: I don't know, who? Him: the atoms family. Not bad for 7 years old."

"I'm always on my ""Best"" Behavior...It just so happens my Best Behavior isn't very good!!"

"My mate keeps having sex with Nuns. I did warn him not to get in the habit."

"Whats a Plumber's favorite vegetable? A Leek!"

"What do you call a computer that only plays sad songs? Adele"

"opinion - 3.14 = onion"

"What type of sea creature do Chinese fishermen catch? Crust-asian"

"Why does my mustard bottle insist on peeing in my sandwich before dispensing my mustard?"

"Burger King employee: what size [drink] would you like? Me (thinking she said 'side'): fries. BK: What? Me: *more forcefully* fries."

"You know what kills me? Weapons."