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Joke of the Day

"I came home to a trail of bread leading to the bedroom & of course I followed, only to find my husband in bed with 10 ducks. I'm heartbroken"

"How do you keep someone in suspense?"

"Gf: ""You want to know what your problem is?"" Me: *looks at watch* ""Ok, but our dinner reservation is in six hours"""

"waitressing She may only be a waitress but at least she brings food to the table"

"BAND: How's everyone doing tonight!! [crowd goes nuts] ME (standing in the middle, normal voice): Ok I guess. Kinda tired."

"Jogging but instead lying in bed with your eyes shut."

"Why don't they allow computers in prison? Is it because of the escape button? I think it's because of the escape button."

"What do you call a construction company that only employs midgets? Clearly short handed."

"What's red and not there? No tomatoes."

"I like my beers like I like my lumber; 2 by 4:00"