127752

Joke of the Day

"TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask Whoops, wrong sub"

"I've concluded English is my phone's second language. It's the only explanation for all the bizarre autocorrects and typos that plague me."

"Some people think vasectomies and castration are similar procedures but there's a vas deferens between the two."

"How do you hit on a Jewish girl? Tell her that she israeli hot!"

"God returns to his desk with lunch. Taking a bite, he looks over at video monitors marked ""Earth"". The avocado drops out of his sandwich."

"[pulled over] COP 1: any drugs or alcohol in the car? ME: no COP 2: told you he was a nerd ME: nuh uh I have so much drugs COP 1: lol gotcha"

"""Vodka, Sambuca, Tequila, Jager!"" I'm calling the shots."

"Do you know how many 3rd party sects the catholic church is protecting? None, catholics aren't allowed to have protected sects."

"What do you call an elderly Mexican man? A senor citizen"

"Why do women find the guy in 50 Shades of Grey sexy? beats me"