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Joke of the Day

"[pulled over] COP 1: any drugs or alcohol in the car? ME: no COP 2: told you he was a nerd ME: nuh uh I have so much drugs COP 1: lol gotcha"

"What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a girl. The knife has a point"

"When a farmer fucks a sheep, do you know why he does so at the edge of a cliff? So the sheep will push back."

"I had sex with Obama last night... And I'd just like to say, let's dispel with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. He knows exactly what he's doing!"

"MTV giving awards for music is the same as Fox News giving an award for unbiased journalism."

"There should be a warning label on those straw cowgirl hats middle-aged women wear on vacation that reads: ""Will cause freckled cleavage."""

"3 fonts walk into a bar. Bartender says, ""We don't serve your type."""

"I like to make a guy feel welcome in the morning by surrounding him with stuffed animals while he sleeps."

"What kind of car drives over water? Any kind of car if it goes over a bridge."

"What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods? Teenagers these days be all ""I hate you mom I'm joining ISIS."""