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Joke of the Day

"I've lost all control of my vowels... Now I'm completely in consonant."

"Why can't pirates wear sunglasses? Because they have no buccaneers! Happy speak like a pirate day!"

"What's the most popular form of martial arts in Israel? Jew-jitsu"

"*flips a quarter into jukebox from across room, jukebox spits it back at me, it goes down my throat, ""wake me up before you go-go"" plays*"

"Apparently saying ""If you think your wife is fat now, wait till she has the baby"" is not a good way to congratulate someone."

"my lawyer wants me to turn myself into the police but I keep telling him impersonating a cop is what got me into trouble in the first place"

"My daughter asked me to help her find a job because she's learned enough in school. She's 5."

"Two Snowmen are in a field... ...and one turns to the other and says ""Yeah, you're right, it DOES smell like carrots."" My favorite joke - short, hysterical, and perfect for any occasion."

"If the music's too loud you're too old."

"Am I the first with a Roof joke? Hope so. What is the source of Roof's racism? When he was young, his friends teased him by calling him Rufus."