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Joke of the Day

"My daughter asked me to help her find a job because she's learned enough in school. She's 5."

"The best way to tell someone you don't like them is to text them 370HSSV 0773H and tell them to read it upside down."

"When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike... Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me."

"Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my ""funny"" status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body..."

"Can I still watch 300 if I haven't seen the first 299"

"I feel like a million bucks today.. Seriously, how do I get rid of this erection? I'm getting worried."

"the ""i'm revealing my deepest insecurities to you with hope that you don't use them to utterly destroy me"" is silent in ""i love you"""

"What does Belathor call his balls? His treasures."

"[date] Her: so you're a mathematician? Me: no actually I'm a *pythagorean doves fly out of my sleeve and hit her in the face* mathemagician"

"Why couldn't the Meteor marry the Ice Comet? It had a fear of Cometment"