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Joke of the Day

"What is an assassin's favorite element? What is an assassin's favorite elem- Surprise! (it is much better when spoken, but I'm proud of it)"

"APOCALYPSE SURVIVOR: ""We must conserve resources. Only people with useful skills! What's yours?"" ME: ""I write and want to dir--"" ""GUNSHOT*"

"A man walks into a bar And he orders 4 shots. Man: Have you heard the Joke that all insolvents know? Bartender: (amused) No. Man: Good. Then you can pay for my drinks."

"Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas."

"My most forced joke. How did the lumberjack keep his business from falling behind when all the trees ran out? By moving faux wood. Rimshot?"

"Hey girl, are you a group of integrable functions? because I would love to find the area under those curves"

"Q. What do you call a cow with no legs? A. Ground beef."

"What was Hitler's favourite video game? Mein Kraft"

"do you know? Did you know It takes the average American male approximately 4 minutes to have an orgasm. Do you know how long it takes the average woman? Who fucking cares."

"On the subject of jokes we made up as kids, what do you call a group of hams? A meating!"