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Joke of the Day

"ANGEL: the humans need a model for how they should treat you... GOD: [creates dog] ANGEL: ...and for how they actually do GOD: [creates cat]"

"It's illegal to shine a laser pointer at a plane because a cat might attack the plane"

"What does the average male have in common with a Velociraptor? They both have a six inch retractable claw."

"Did you know the internet was created by egyptians They have a long history of worshiping cats and writing on walls. Inspired by a post on showerthoughts"

"What did cinderella do when she got to the ball? choked"

"Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang So I shot him.."

"My nickname for my mother is Hannibal Lecture."

"I had the best ice cube It's like it could melt in my mouth"

"I got the job as a psychic! I don't know how."

"We all wear masks. I'm about to trade in my 'polite coworker' mask for my 'dude you don't want to meet in a dark alley' mask In 3...2...1"