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Joke of the Day

"What does the average male have in common with a Velociraptor? They both have a six inch retractable claw."

"Did you know Kurt Cobain had dandruff? They found his Head & Shoulders behind the couch."

"What are the two saddest words of the English Language? 'What party? '"

"Does anyone want a vacuum cleaner? Mine's just gathering dust."

"Why monkeys make terrible drivers: bad depth perception, suffer from road rage & fling poop at other drivers."

"The recipe said ""Set the oven to 180 degrees,"" so I did, but now I can't open it because the door faces the wall."

"I'm writing a television series which involves everyone smoking dope. It's a mellow drama."

"What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne doesn't come onto a boy's face until he's 13."

"Hey check out this new candle I got. -Sweet. What flavor is it? I think you mean 'what scent is it?' *with a mouthful of candle wax* -What?"

"If you have to ask if it's too early to drink...you're an amateur & we can't be friends"