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Joke of the Day
"They say you are what you eat, but I don't remember eating a massive disappointment."
Next Joke
"I suffer from terrible insomnia But on the bright side it's only three more sleeps till Christmas."
"You know, I always really liked Meatloaf I've never had any beef with him"
"""Boop"" - Zebra walking past a self service checkout."
"Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth then it becomes a soap opera"
"I touch myself when I think of you Oh! Wait It's not what you're thinking, I mean I'm mostly scratching my head wondering what I saw in you."
"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his butt"
"Benedict Cumberbatch, if we dissect his name it means ""Blessed batch of cucumbers"" In other words, he is just a jar of Kosher Dill Pickles"
"Thanks for shopping! Would you like to donate $1 to cancer research or are you a giant monster?"
"[Signing waiver for the show Cops] No no, you don't have to blur my face but how about a sweet mustache?"