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Joke of the Day

"What does Lenin say when he his angry? I will hit you so hard that it will leave a Marx."

"""DIDN'T THE KIDS JUST HAVE A DAY OFF SCHOOL LAST MONTH!?!"" ~A parent's memoir."

"I thought you were Russian... ...but it turns out you were just Stalin and Putin me off."

"Me: Forgive me father I have sinned Priest: Get out of my house M: But it's a big sin P: *sigh* Speak child M: I broke into your house"

"Some of the Southern states seem like they're at least 90% Christian. And that's just roughly a Conservative estimate."

"Sometimes I break into hives. But only because I hate bees."

"Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it's important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair"

"[1st day as a paramedic] me: can you point to where it hurts cyclist: [points at his severed leg at the other side of the road]"

"Just tried to read an article that wasn't a list. Bunch of words, no GIFs, and it required me to think?? 0/10 would not recommend."

"Enhanced interrogation idea: If waterboarding isn't working, try having my mother brush their hair."