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Joke of the Day

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None, cops aren't afraid of the dark."

"[Knock at door] MAN: Hello I'm here to talk about Jesus Christ!! Sorry, a spider landed on me. I'm here to talk about bondage ME: Do come in"

"Man it would suck if I died on this plane mostly because of some unused gift cards I was waiting for ""the right time"" to use."

"I hate it when strangers question me. I'm with my kid, & this lady goes, 'He's cute. Who does he look like?' I'm like, 'Your husband'"

"Real men don't need guns. One time I beat a burglar to death with a sleeve of Ritz crackers and used the crumblings for a casserole crust."

"Despite evidence to the contrary, I still maintain typing louder and harder will magically make my incorrect password correct."

"Why was Aron Ralston arrested by the FBI? For giving arms to Iraq."

"INTERVIEWER: under skills you've listed ""gets jokes"" ME: haha, very good. good one sir, haha"

"Some people won't try bacon for religious reasons. I won't try religion for bacon reasons."

"What would reunite the Beatles? 2 more bullets"