190425
Joke of the Day
"Why was Aron Ralston arrested by the FBI? For giving arms to Iraq."
Next Joke
"[first day as Niagara Falls tour guide] And to the left you can see [frantically flips through your guide] water."
"The Earth is roughly 70% water and 30% haters"
"Did you hear the news about the CEO of Ford? He was seen with an escort..."
"[OC] Are vegetarians allowed to have pudding? If so how can they have pudding if they don't eat their meat?"
"The next person to tell me I should quit smoking for New Years is gonna be responsible for me breaking this year's ""no murder"" resolution."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"My signature move at family dinners is waiting for someone to put their drink down at the table & then moving it when they go to the buffet."
"Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they'll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food."
"That awkward moment when you're digging a hole to hide a body, and you find another body #truestory"