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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Rob Ford and an Ethiopian child? Rob Ford has more than enough to eat at home."

"Why did the boy die when a car ran over his finger? His finger was up his nose."

"The cucumbers are taking over my garden and trying to starve all the other vegetables out. It's a war of nutrition."

"Buying In Bulk In theory: Oh good, I'll have enough chips to last all month In reality: I'm gonna eat 5 family size bags of chips tonight"

"Me: I've lost my kitten Cop: How would you best describe him? Me: He looks like a miniature cat"

"anyone here with one leg? i have a ton of socks you can have"

"What's Irish and sits outside? Paddy O'furniture"

"What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing press-ups in a cucumber field."

"I saw a dog taking a dump and I totally thought of you."

"How to you make an octopus laugh? ...you give it ten tickles"