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Joke of the Day

"What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing press-ups in a cucumber field."

"Why didn't the bear from the revenant win the Oscar? Because it would've torn Leo up to receive another Oscar loss"

"I always see homeless people walking around with cups of change. I bet they could afford a house if they werent drinking money all the time."

"I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use ""sliced bread"" as our basis for great inventions."

"DIET TIP: You are what you eat. Do you really want to be celery? C'mon. Not even celery wants to be celery."

"I ordered at a Reddit Deli I messed up and ordered the wrong sub."

"Still haven't cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different"

"I am starting a sanctuary for oversized marine mammals. It's called Habitat for Huge Manatees."

"What's the difference ? What's the difference between getting your girlfriend pregnant and asking how her day went? There is no difference, you always regret both!"

"I bought a white bathrobe and splattered it with red paint just to freak out my neighbors when I go get the mail."