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Joke of the Day

"How to make microwave popcorn: 2 minutes 27 seconds-half bag popped. 2 minutes 29 seconds-MICROWAVE ON FIRE."

"If i get a rat tail... If i get a rat tail on my chinese food, should i complain or is it on the house?"

"A Jewish kid asks his dad for money He asks his dad for 10 dollars. His dad replies, ""8 dollars? What do you need 5 dollars for?"""

"I feel like I second guess myself too much. But then again I'm not really sure."

"The Doctor says: ""Mrs Jones, I think your 7 year old is watching way too much TV"" ""How can you tell?"" asked Mrs Jones ""He just asked me if Cialis is right for him"""

"sorry I didn't answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth"

"A fellow peon told me he loved kids, you can't beat them i said you can but it's generally frowned upon."

"(On phone) Him: I just ran a marathon in under four? Me: (eating) months or years?"

"[Mom]: My son's voice is changing [Dr.]: Thats normal at his age [Mom]: This is normal? *fax machine noises are coming from the kid's mouth*"

"ME (having a disagreement with a friend): I'd like to speak to your manager"