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Joke of the Day
"sorry I didn't answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth"
Next Joke
"WIFE: You know Hogwarts isn't real? It's just part of series of fantasy novels. ME: *chasing an owl around my garden* WHATEVER MUGGLE!!!"
"When Sting retires will he change his name to Stung?"
"I for one... ... love Roman numerals."
"Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair."
"""Good artists copy. Great artists steal."" \- Me"
"Her: How do you get girls? Me: I'm smart and funny. Her: That works? Me: No I'm terribly alone, I was just saying."
"What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry."
"What do you call a man who's on fire? Bernie."
"There was a massive fight in the chip shop yesterday! A fish got battered."