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Joke of the Day

"The police came to my door and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes My dogs don't even have bikes"

"A friend will bail you out of jail, a best friend knows the password to your phone so they can delete all your nude selfies if you die"

"What has four legs, feathers, and can fly? Two birds"

"Son, what was the name of the german guy that hides my stuff? Alzheimer grampa Alzheimer"

"I'm currently on a 2 hour layover in St. Louis airport. I'm cold and Missourable."

"A stock market crash is worse than a divorce. You lose half your money and your wife is still around."

"If a vampire is also a doctor, an apple is as effective as garlic"

"""Dear Hotels, stop hiding your electrical outlets. I don't want to move a bed or table to charge something."" - Everyone"

"If 9/11 was an inside job... 5/11 was a Fawkes Guy job"

"Straight guys, don't act like an asshole when a gay guy hits on you... ...because then they'll definitely wanna fuck you."