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Joke of the Day
"Don't make a scientist mad. They will research you."
Next Joke
"Why do hipsters only use the microwave? Because they don't like conventional ovens."
"Undressing with the curtains open is my little way of giving back to the old ladies in our neighborhood watch."
"new boss: mind sharing an office? me: no NB: Good [points to room filled w/wolves] bc we finally contained them please keep the door closed"
"Dinner with Mom: Are these real people you're talking about or are they from the internet?"
"Hey, maybe one time we could make a sitcom where the husband is out of the wife's league and the wife says stupid shit all the time."
"Oh man almost forgot the trash *takes trash out, a nice little sushi place* This is great *sees wife there with the recycling* WHAT THE HELL"
"Just joined Anonymous Anonymous. This time I'm serious about breaking my addiction to hacking government websites."
"Yoy can't write an essay overnight You can't write an essay overnight but you have to in 30 minutes for a test."
"What doesn't belong in this list? Wife, eggs, meat, blowjob. Blowjob doesn't belong. Why? Because you can beat your eggs, your meat, or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob!"