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Joke of the Day

"Oh man almost forgot the trash *takes trash out, a nice little sushi place* This is great *sees wife there with the recycling* WHAT THE HELL"

"When I see.... ...lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date."

"Bored, so I'm going to find a kid that looks like me and tell her I'm her from the future."

"The church are upset about a new type of Heroin, called ""Jesus"" They hate it when people take the Lord's name in vein."

"A man is running after a woman, just until she catches him."

"How do aliens stay warm? Space heater."

"Why don't you see blonde pharmacists? They can't get the bottles into the typewriter!"

"If a woman is in the woods, with no male around Will she still complain?"

"Did you hear about child molester who plays the piano? He was fingering a minor"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Its a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it."