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Joke of the Day

"Ordering at McDonald's & the cashier asked if my child wanted a Happy Meal. I explained the toxicity of equating consumerism with happiness."

"What did the thief say when he saw the man leave his coat behind? let's jack it."

"What are Mario's overalls made out of? Denim denim denim."

"So sweet how people try to mask their crippling insecurities with bitchiness instead of alcohol like normal people."

"My teacher told me to turn in my essay, But I ain't no snitch"

"What's the difference between a cowboy hat and a tampon? Cowboy hats are for assholes"

"Every night, I take all of the singles out of my wallet, spread them on the bed, and pretend I was pretty that day."

"Walmart is giving away dead batteries for the holidays... Free of charge"

"Why did the chimpanzee poop in his pants? because he went apeshit"

"What does a crappy Carpenter make? Loose stools"