35

Joke of the Day

"Every night, I take all of the singles out of my wallet, spread them on the bed, and pretend I was pretty that day."

"I'm not religious, but avocados are proof of a benevolent creator."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Is there a punchline that could make this joke funny?"

"What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates: 1. Nice shirt. 2. Wow. A second nice shirt. 3. Okay, first shirt again. 4. He has two shirts."

"Q: Have you heard the one about the witch's broom? A: It's sweeping the valley. (That one usually floors me, but I'm going to brush it aside before I'm swept away with laughter.)"

"Katherine lost both her arms in an accident. Knock knock. Whose there? Not Katherine."

"Q: How many MP's does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding committee to learn more about how it's done."

"""Walk it off"" does not apply to everything. Stupidity, for example. You're not walking that shit off unless it's in to oncoming traffic"

"How do you confuse an idiot? 44"

"Relationship Status: Got put in the friend zone by a succubus playing around on a Ouija board. I can't even get lucky in the spirit world."