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Joke of the Day

"Every night, I take all of the singles out of my wallet, spread them on the bed, and pretend I was pretty that day."

"Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student? Because education pays off in the long run!"

"Why are women so afraid of looking stupid? Because they don't want the world to know!"

"I hate it when I'm doing sit-ups and I lose count after 900."

"What did the pumpkin pie say to the cheesecake as they were going into the oven? I think this is a set up!"

"People often ask me if weed hurts memory I'd tell them but i don't remember."

"I met Cosby once and I remember him being just a wonderful person. I don't remember much after that."

"Why can't the dutch fly? Because they netherland."

"What has 5 eyes? invisibility"

"What do you get when you cross an insomniac, agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog."