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Joke of the Day

"Wives live longer than their husbands.. because they are not married to a woman (Courtesy ""Whose Line It is Anyway"")"

"I gave my Chinese mate some sweets yesterday... He said, oh these are Haribo! Well if you don't like them, don't eat them then."

"How do you guys tweet from the toilet? I poop with both hands."

"I had a roommate, but he was ran over by a bus... Now I have a flatmate."

"I save a lot of money on makeup by just being attractive."

"I bet rocket scientists are conceited bastards. ""YOU CALL THIS A MARTINI? THIS ISN'T ROCKET SCIENCE DAMMIT! I WOULD KNOW!"""

"To successfully fight a bear, strike it firmly in the sternum with an open palm. Congratulations. You are now fighting a bear."

"Did you know there is a town in Pennsylvania with the same same as one of the Great Lakes? It's eerie."

"Did you hear the one about the man who let a firework off on top of his head? He went out with a bang."

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob"