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Joke of the Day

"What idiot called them swordfish instead of... oh, no, wait, actually that's pretty good."

"In pretty sure my wife's most prized possession is her plastic bag full of other plastic bags."

"I respect you, liquor store shopping cart user."

"I have an idea for a movie combining my two favorite genres. Zombies and Mafia...I'm going to call it ""Deadfellas""."

"What's the worst part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair."

"Why did Pluto miss the solar system party. He didn't planet right"

"What do you call it when a stripper gives you a free lap-dance? A pro boner."

"How do you answer the door Mathematically? Door: ""What is 2+2?"" Me: ""4"" Door: ""Cool!"""

"I like my girls like my nails Hammered"

"""Cheese cannon!"" ""Terminator eyes!"" ""Solar powered cat translator!"" I'm the reason genies limit you to 3 wishes."