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Joke of the Day

"How do you answer the door Mathematically? Door: ""What is 2+2?"" Me: ""4"" Door: ""Cool!"""

"How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? Rectal thermometer tastes like shit"

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter."

"What did Davy Crockett say when he showed up to the Alamo? ""What are all these landscapers doing here?"""

"[spending entire date hiding the fact I'm really a beaver] ""ow"" what's wrong? ""I got a splinter"" may I see? ""I guess so"" delicious ""pardon?"""

"What do white guys have bellow their hips thats hard and pleasures women Credit Cards"

"It would be easier on everyone if my kids' teachers would cut out the middle man and email my homework assignments directly to me."

"What's the difference between my ex girlfriend and ebola? At least Ebola will finish me off"

"A monster goes to a petrol station and says: Fill me up The man at the petrol station replies: You have to have a car for me to do that!. The monster replies: But I had a car for lunch!"

"Why did Tigger shoot Pooh? He had an itchy Tigger finger?"