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Joke of the Day

"I invited a friend over after school. I told my mom he's my brother from another mother. My parents are now in the divorce process."

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"[paddling along the amazon silently in a kayak] wife: ""it's so beautiful"" me: ""can you believe they named this after a website?"""
"I walked outside my house wearing my Saran Wrap suit, my neighbor said ""I always knew you were crazy, but now I can clearly see your nuts!"""
"One fun way to describe Facebook is ""imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart."""
"What's the difference between a hotel and a lodge? You can't hotel your dick into someone's ass."
"How did Kim Kardashian break the net? She sat on it."
"Dwayne Johnson, paper, scissors"
"What's the difference between a hobo on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle? A tyre (attire)"
"In future period films set in the late 2000s/early 2010s, I hope they accurately portray all 16:9 televisions showing stretched 4:3 content."
"Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size? A: Silicone chips."