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Joke of the Day

"(NAME) is a terrific athlete. He recently ran the London Marathon he was aiming for 3 hours but just missed it! he made it in 3 hrs 150 minutes"

"Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie? 'cause he was too far out man!"

"I've never dated a South African girl who I've disliked. Every time I meet one, we click almost immediately."

"*Santa lifts a rug while sweeping and finds a dusty, crumpled note* ""Please keep my family safe, love Bruce Wayne."" *Santa grows very pale*"

"What does a vegan zombie eat? Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!"

"*points to person jogging outside through the snow* ""Look kids, a lunatic"""

"Took my pet lion in an elevator along with shocked shoppers this morning. There was quite an uproar."

"Horse walks into a bar Bartender says: ""Why the long face?""...... Horse responds: ""Because my drinking problem is tearing my family apart."""

"I like to end all my phone calls with ""Ok, I'll see you later on at the party!"" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out."

"My dad is a blackjack dealer. He hit me until I was 21."