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Joke of the Day

"God: done? Noah: yea G: whats this Noah proudly: a swing set G: u built a park. I asked for an ark N: a what? G: a boat N: say boat then"

"[running from a knife wielding murderer] oh hell yeah, my Fitbit steps are gonna be OFF THE SCALE today"

"When a dating site tells me ""Someone new likes you!"" I get angry because I'm there to meet adults, not babies."

"?When the moon hits your eye? You'll be killed. It's massive."

"To a struggling artist: ""Don't give up... ...the day job."""

"Apparently, exercise improves your decision making. It's true. After going to the gym today I've decided I'm never going again."

"Why did Jack cross the road? Because he was bean stalked....."

"What did the sun say after melting Frosty the Snowman? I came, I thaw, I conquered ."

"I'll see your Limerick. . I was driving along in my Bentley, tossing off ever so gently I hit a bump in the road and I shot my load not on purpose, but quite accidently!"

"What do you call a sweaty British Millionaire? All-quid."