64764

Joke of the Day

"[running from a knife wielding murderer] oh hell yeah, my Fitbit steps are gonna be OFF THE SCALE today"

"What do you call it when a midget realizes he's gay? Coming out of the cupboard."

"I'll never understand dentists. They stab you with little metal hooks and then tell you ""Your gums wouldn't bleed if you flossed more""."

"What do a pussy and KFC have in common? They're both finger licking good, and when your done you have a box to put the bone in"

"I just had a phone call saying I'd won 250 cash or two tickets to an Elvis tribute night. It said Press 1 for the money or 2 for the show......"

"Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!"

"Why did the rancher vivisect his daughter? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . He wanted to reverse cowgirl."

"How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? As soon as you open it, you realize it's half empty."

"I'd rather have my eyelashes ripped out one at a time by poisonous crabs than watch a show where the voices didnt match the mouth movements"

"Buying my parents' house. Soon, like so many of the 'ladies' here... I too will be a middle aged man tweeting from his mom's basement."