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Joke of the Day

"When a dating site tells me ""Someone new likes you!"" I get angry because I'm there to meet adults, not babies."

"Q: Dad why do the singers rock left and right while performing on stage? A: Because son it is more difficult to hit a moving target."

"Harry Potter can't tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best mate. They're both cauldron."

"I'm thinking about trying steroids... I hear they're all the rage!"

"My toddler begged to go swimming and then threw a tantrum because she didn't want to get wet in case you were on the fence about having kids"

"What did one strand of yarn say to the other? I'm not ready to dye, I still have a few ends to tie up. ""Ball up..."""

"Pro tip: never tell a three-year-old that you're going to Disney unless you plan on leaving that very second."

"My brothel has no regular customers... People just cum and go."

"Where is the best place to buy chicken broth? at the stock market"

"Birth certificates need a popup dialog box: ""Are you SURE you want to spell your kid's name that way?"""