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Joke of the Day

"1. Stand in sauna 2. Add 30,000 strangers 3. Take 2 steps every 30 seconds 4. Repeat for 12 hours Congratulations! How was Disneyworld?"

"by far the worst part of becoming an adult is realizing that at no point do you simply obtain all the answers. you just fucking guess."

"Being a prostitute is like being the heel piece of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but no one really wants you."

"Obstetrician who has taken up magic as a hobby: and what have we here? *pulls out baby after baby after baby after baby after baby..."

"Why isn't the Mexican olympic team any good? Anyone who can run jump or swim is already across the border."

"If I had a time machine I'd destroy the invention of autotune and say ""good luck being famous now you talentless brats!"""

"Just because a lot of guys want you doesn't mean you're wifey material. Just know, cheap items have many buyers. @MaleHonesty86"

"I'm so hungry I could eat something healthy."

"I went off on a tan gent once He was wasting all his time at the beach"

"Don't be offended if someone doesn't reply to your text. Their phone is probably just ""on silent"" or ""right in front of their lying face."""