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Joke of the Day

"Marmalade Q. What's the difference between jam and marmalade? A. You can't marmalade your cock in someone's arse"

"I'm losing followers two by two. Maybe they are all boarding an ark somewhere."

"What does one lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month."

"[Working in a hospital] ME: Well, this guy's autopsy is done NURSE: You mean tonsillectomy ME: Uh oh"

"News: Ireland has now legalized ecstasy, meth, and mushrooms due to an unexpected legal loophole. In other news: I have a plane to catch."

"What is the similarity between tornadoes and divorces in Kentucky? ... either way, someone is losing a trailer."

"Inside Out 2: The girl enters puberty. Her emotions get out of control. She goes Goth. Sadness murders the other emotions in their sleep"

"person texting me: hey I'm outside me: [covered in glue and accidentally tripping onto a pile of several thousand photos of you] uh HANG ON"

"How do you stop a metal from rusting? Use some antioxidants"

"I instantly feel horrible when I judge someone, so I stopped. Now I make rational conclusions based on insightful observations."