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Joke of the Day

"What does one lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month."

"Trying to get this hot girl at the bar jealous, so I'm slow dancing & making out with a potted plant. It's working, she's been staring at me"

"How many downies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Potatoe"

"What do women and dog shit have in common? The older they get, the easier they are to pick up."

"Brad Pitt. While you're helping the world, please feed your wife."

"Are curses real? of course the f*cking are... (thanks dad)"

"What do you call Miley Cyrus with a gun? A shooting star"

"Apparently the unbuttoning of a shirt and letting your hair down for a cop only works for women."

"*walks into Kinko's* YO I NEED A CAT SCAN ""I'm sorry sir, we don't--"" *opens bag & removes a terrified cat* I ONLY NEED ONE COPY. IN COLOR."

"TIL Doctors can screen for STDs by placing a feather along the skin between the penis and the butthole. Doctors don't use this screening method, however, because the test tickles."