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Joke of the Day

"My lesbian neighbors gave me a Timex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, ""I wanna watch."""

"There was an awful fight at the seafood restaurant. Four fish got battered!"

"So I heard that Paul Walker, actor in Fast and Furious, died at the age of 40 in a car crash. I suppose he had bad *karma*"

"It's best not to piss off someone with Multiple Personalities You never know how many enemies you're making"

"How many nuns were at the library? Absolutely nun"

"We gave you Nickelback and Justin Bieber. You responded with the Kardashians and Honey Boo Boo. Well played America, well played"

"Winters, when your handwriting turns out the same no matter which hand you use."

"A popcorn necklace is a nice way to tell someone you want them to be attacked by birds."

"What do you call a snake with a degree in engineering? A Boa Constructor"

"Sex is like lasagna - there's absolutely no reason for it to involve spinach in any form."