125278

Joke of the Day

"A vegan, a few crossfitters and a bunch of atheists are coming over for Easter There's no joke, I just thought you all should know"

"I just ordered a door bell on Amazon... Shit, how am I gonna know when it gets here?"

"I'm ""whenever my mother calls, I think it's because someone's dead"" years old."

"Me: *Asks question on snapchat* Them: *Answers question on snapchat* Me: ""Wait, what did I ask again?"""

"And then one day we decided we were tired of sleeping in and doing whatever we wanted whenever we wanted in a clean house, and we had kids."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? so it could get to the other side"

"When I was a child, I loved astronomy and I actually saw Orion's belt many times. My Dad's nickname was Orion and he used to beat the shit out of me because I didn't like sports."

"How do you spot a modern spider ? He doesn't have a web he had a website !"

"I was in chemistry class with my lab partner... ...and asked him if he wanted some sodium bromide, but to my disappointment, he said NaBro"

"A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, Keep off the Grass.'"