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Joke of the Day

"Said this at dinner last night. Bit creepy, but laughs were had. ""He may die a virgin but he ain't gonna be buried one."""

Next Joke
 
"Everybody is tweeting ""OMG I CANT BELIEVE ITS MARCH"", I'm like tf' you you think came after February ? February Jr.?"
"There are two types of people in this world 1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data"
"BELLHOP: May I take care of your bags? ME: Of course! BELLHOP: [gently applies seven layers of concealer under my eyes]"
"Doctor gets a call...My husband just swallowed aspirin By mistake, what should I do? Doctor: give him some headache now! It will help!"
"Hour 3: The group of hipsters has accepted me. However, the leader seems suspicious of the cinnamon roll man bun I taped on top of my head."
"What do you call an egoistical sea animal? Selfish"
"What do you call a chinese crab who just got dumped? A frustacean"
"A man lost $100 bill Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it."
"Shattner didn't go to Nimoy's funeral, and Obama's been on the phone all weekend with the Vulcan ambassador, trying to smooth things over."